Low self-esteem isn’t just about how you feel about yourself—it’s deeply tied to your relationship with others and how safe you feel in connection. Your self-esteem—how you feel about yourself and all the different parts of you—is shaped by your past experiences and how safe your nervous system feels around other people.
The Roots of Low Self-Esteem: Attachment Wounds
Parts of you have learned from past experiences—being judged, hurt, mocked, or betrayed—that it’s not safe to fully show up. These self-esteem wounds are often formed through attachment wounds—early relationship experiences that teach Parts of you what to expect from others and what connection is all about.
When you’ve experienced rejection, criticism, or feeling unseen, your nervous system and Protector Parts adjust to protect you from future pain. These adaptations shape how you relate to others and how a safe connection feels.
What Low Self-Esteem Looks Like
- Parts of you rely on others’ validation to feel worthy or compare yourself to ensure you’re measuring up.
- Without external cues, these Parts struggle to feel enough, leaving you stuck in a constant cycle of seeking approval and questioning your worth.
- When your nervous system doesn’t feel safe, other people start to feel like a source of threat instead of a connection.
- Parts of you may anticipate judgment, rejection, or failure as a way to stay prepared—keeping you stuck in survival mode.
- Parts of you may believe that expecting the worst will push you to work harder to prevent it. In reality, this pattern keeps your nervous system locked in survival mode, making connection feel even harder.
- Parts of you may compare yourself to others, making them feel like competition rather than potential sources of support and connection.
What Your Parts Are Truly Seeking
Underneath all of this, what your Parts are really looking for is connection, safety, and belonging.They want to know that you are accepted for who you are, without needing to prove your worth. But when you’ve learned that connection isn’t safe, these protective patterns become deeply ingrained—leading to exhaustion and isolation.
What Healing Looks Like
Healing begins with understanding these patterns, teaching your nervous system and survival brain that it’s safe to connect, and rewiring and retraining the Parts of you that are stuck in survival mode.
This healing work happens through a combination of:
- Nervous System Regulation—Helping your system feel safe and shift out of survival mode.
- Parts Work—Understanding and working with the Parts of you that have been protecting you, as well as the Parts that have been hurt and are being protected.
Self-Compassion—Offering understanding and care to the Parts of you that carry emotional wounds and the Parts that have learned to protect you from them.
Ready to Learn More?
If this resonates, I’d love to invite you to watch my free webinar.
It’s designed to help you understand yourself more deeply, give you tools for healing, and walk you through the steps of The Befriending Your Parts Framework—so you can see if it’s the right fit for you.
You can look on any of the page on my website and you will see options to “watch webinar.” Just enter your email, you will be immediately granted access to watch.
